my stepmother is my rock

Venetia was a little girl when her mother die from breast cancer and when her father remarried he wisely chose a woman who became the little girl's rock.

"Despite my wonderful stepmother's reassurance, it's always been my fear that I will die young from breast cancer, too", says Venetia, “and sometimes I worry that my stepmother will get the disease, too.”

“When things overwhelm me my stepmother is my rock, she really is,” says Venetia, “but I just wish that she would take my anti-cancer diet more seriously.”

"The thought of losing a second mother to breast cancer, or any sort of disease, really scares me,” says Venetia, “and evidence is building up that diet does play a very important part in preventing cancer – in that it builds up immunity.”

Read more of Venetia's story:

keep open mind on breast cancer

helplessly watching mom die

destined to be a nurse

clutching at straws

child poisoning access visits

Athena’s ex-husband prosecuted the most humiliating post-separation counter offensive on her by hooking up with another woman, making her pregnant, and treating the new lady as badly as he had her -- and in doing so their little boy's life was ruined during access visits in which attempts were made to poison the child’s mind against her.

"Another woman, a 'stepmother', and a ‘step-sibling’ on the way, would bring more dangerous elements into a separation situation that was already volatile - and it most certainly did," sighs Athena. "From then onwards my child was once again exposed to domestic violence - a situation I had separated from his father in order to protect him from!"

"One time, they abducted the child and refused to return him home to me - necessitating a protection order from the court," says Athena, "and their relentless attempts to poison the little boy's mind against me was horrendous.”

“Imagine how badly I felt when the child came home and said things like 'daddy says you are going to be dead soon' and 'daddy says you are bad mommy' and on one occasion he came home with an envelope of his toenail clippings saying 'daddy told me to give this to you’ – suggesting that I am not taking care of him properly, as if I have time to even cut my own toenails regularly!”

"I never, ever, asked my son anything about his time with his father and his new woman – I refuse to call her a stepmother," says Athena, "but I never failed to listen when he came home upset and wanted to tell me something.”

“Within a few months my little boy came home saying things like: 'I saw daddy pushing her and she was crying' and 'why is she always angry with me?' and 'she wakes me up by tearing the blankets off me' and 'she told me she hates my father and is going to leave him'."

“Then I knew my son was in danger,” says Athena, “but the court had ordered access visits and there was nothing I could do about it.”

"Even when my little boy came home with cuts and grazes I could do nothing," says Athena. "During his time with me I would never let the child out of my sight, but twice in his father's care he had accidents requiring hospital treatment. What sensible adult puts a child on a bike and leaves him unaccompanied to cycle around a public park sharing a road with cars?”

"I seriously believed at one stage that the man – or the stepmother - was trying to kill my child," sighs Athena, "but how can I go to the police or child welfare without evidence, just suspicions?”

"By hurting my son - exposing him to dangerous situations and poisoning his mind against me," says Athena, "that man was hurting me more than a physical assault on me would, and he knew it."

“And by bringing a new woman – a stepmother – into the mix, as well as another defenceless little child – that man was destroying everyone.”

Read more of Athena’s story:

declarations of war

my stepmom's garden party

Billie is 14, an only child, and spends vacations with her father and stepmother. She always comes home with funny stories about these visits because her stepmother -- although nice -- is a social climbing snob and tries her best to smooth out the rough edges in her stepdaughter.

"Last time I visited, my stepmother took me to a garden party and told me is was going to be my debut into high society," explains Billie. "I had never attended an adult function like this before and my stepmother filled my head with all the dos and don'ts about proper behavior."

"What my stepmother never explained to me was the correct procedure for removing glass from my mouth when a fine crystal champagne flute broke in the middle of my sipping its contents," laughs Billie.

"I don't suppose any etiquette book has the answer to that one," sighs Billie, "so I had to use my wits."

"I was standing with a group of adults at the time the incident happened," says Billie, "and they were boring me to tears with some silly social gossip."

"I was tapping the glass flute against my teeth out of boredom," says Billie, "and the next thing I knew I had a mouth full of glass!"

"One of the ladies turned to me and said something and I just hid the glass behind my back and smiled sweetly with my teeth literally gritted with glass."

"I hope she didn't expect an answer to whatever she said," laughs Billie, "because I was suddenly overcome with terror that I would swallow the glass and I ran off to the nearest bushes."

"I spat out as much of the glass as I could and threw the broken champagne flute into the bushes - where I hope nobody will ever find it."

"I then brushed past lots of people trying to find the bathroom and when I got there I locked myself in and rinsed my mouth out thousands of times until I was certain that all the glass had been removed."

"There was a knock on the bathroom door and I heard my stepmother's voice asking if I was alright."

"I couldn't tell her the truth, she would have died with shame," laughs Billie, "so I lied and said that I had suddenly developed a tummy ache and she seemed to believe me."

"As expected, my stepmother was more concerned about the impression I made on her friends by running off in such an unladylike manner," laughs Billie.

She said: "Even if you have a tummy ache you should bear it as best you can and never, ever leave a group of people without first excusing yourself."

"Imagine what my stepmother would have said to me had I told her the truth," laughs Billie.

"She would have probably forced me to retrieve the broken glass from the bushes and pay for its replacement from my pocket money and I was certainly not going to do that!"

"She would have also probably made me apologize to the hostess for breaking her precious crystal glass," muses Billie, "and I wasn't prepared to do that either."

"No," says Billie, "all things considered I think I handled myself very well. Don't you?"

"I certainly won't be clicking any sort of glass to my teeth again - but then I don't expect my stepmother to be inviting me along to any more of her garden parties again, either!"

"It's always a relief when I come home to mom," says Billie. "She has no airs and graces like my stepmom and just lets me be myself."

my stepdaughter's wedding

Rebecca is 32 and when she married Barney two years ago he was 53 with a 20-year old daughter, Kelsey.

"Kelsey and I got on like a house on fire right from the very start," says Rebecca.

"Her own mother was 51, in a totally different generation, and we had so many things in common that sometimes I was more like a sister to her than a stepmother," says Rebecca, "but she seemed to enjoy calling me mom and Barney was pleased that we got along so well."

"There was absolutely no trouble between Barney and his ex-wife," confides Rebecca. "They had divorced amicably after she had a cancer scare and had lost interest in sex, and although we didn't invite her to our wedding she gave us her blessings."

"But Kelsey was another story," sighs Rebecca. "She had never forgiven her mother for causing the marriage to break up and seemed to really dislike the woman."

"Countless times I explained to Kelsey - as a mother would to a daughter - that things happen between a man and a woman that no child can understand," says Rebecca, "and I tried to get her to make amends with her mother."

"Kelsey was adamant about not wanting to know her mother." sighs Rebecca. "According to her, the poor woman was old and fat and had a drinking problem and wasn't worth talking about. I guess she was ashamed of her own mother."

"I took on the role of a stepmother with a bit of misgiving because Kelsey's mother was alive and well and seemingly a very nice woman," says Rebecca. "For the sake of peace I finally gave up trying to reconcile Kelsey with her mom. I had Barney to think about and lots of housewifely things to attend to - I was a new wife and wanted to enjoy my new status."

"When Kelsey was nearly 22 she met a nice guy and wanted to get married," explains Rebecca, "and this is when all our troubles started."

"When the wedding plans were being made Kelsey told me that she wanted Barney and I to sit together as man and wife where the mother and father of the bride usually sit in the church," explains Rebecca. "Apparently, she didn't want her mother at the wedding at all."

"Kelsey told me that I was her mother now."

"Barney and I talked about this and felt that it was Kelsey's day and she should get what she wants," explains Rebecca, "but we both insisted that Kelsey's mother should be invited to the wedding - it would have looked very bad had she been ignored."

"Well, as things turned out," laughs Rebecca, "it would have been better had Kelsey's mother not been invited."

"As soon as Kelsey's mother received her invitation to the wedding she telephoned Barney and demanded to know why the invitation was addressed 'Barney and Rebecca request the pleasure of your company at the wedding of their daughter Kelsey'."

"Barney and Kelsey's mother had a furious row after which Barney conceded that it was right and proper that she, rather than I, should take the seat of the mother of the bride at the church," sighs Rebecca.

"I didn't mind, but Kelsey went into fits when she heard that her mother was going to be sitting where she wanted me to sit in the church," says Rebecca. "She nearly called the wedding off, vowing to run off to Reno or something!"

"Barney calmed her down and on the day everything went well, but you could cut the air with a knife in the church because of the tension between Kelsey and her mom."

"Luckily, Kelsey's mom left the wedding party after the church service and refused to go to the reception," says Rebecca, "so from then onwards peace prevailed."

"I really don't understand what happened between Kelsey and her mom after her parents divorced," says Rebecca. "Hopefully, in time, Kelsey will grow up and sort things out. Until then, I'll be there for her."

my stepson hates me!

Pearl is 36 and married Josh after a whirlwind romance of six months in which she was blinded by love and didn't see that his son, Jake, hated her.

"I had met his son, Jake, on a few occasions," says Pearl, "but it didn't dawn on me how difficult the boy was until I went to live with them. He hates me!"

"Jake's mother had run off with a young Latino just a year before I met Josh," explains Pearl, "and for all that time Josh was raising the boy alone."

"I desperately want a child of my own," says Pearl, "so it's really important that I get along with Jake but he seems to be hell bent upon making me miserable."

"Jake was reasonably civil to me before his father and I married," says Pearl, "but as soon as I moved into their place the kid started treating me badly. He sneers at me, makes disparaging comparisons between his mother and I and generally treats me like a slave."

"Josh really surprised me by taking his son's side against me," says Pearl, "and this has made matters worse."

"I believe that a husband and wife relationship takes precedence over a parent child relationship," explains Pearl. "Josh should support me in my efforts to befriend the boy but he doesn't. He says that I should understand the boy better and appreciate that I can never replace his mother."

"Sure I understand the boy," says Pearl. "He must feel awful that his mother ran off and left him, refusing to see him any more, but I am not trying to replace her. I am his stepmother, a totally different sort of relationship, and if nothing else I deserve respect."

"I suppose that my living in the same house that he grew up in with his mother, and my sleeping with his father in the bed his mother once shared with his father, is part of the problem," muses Pearl. "The boy is old enough to be aware of sex - and is going through puberty himself - so I do appreciate the delicacy of his situation."

"I've talked to Josh about selling the house and starting in a new environment," explains Pearl, "but he doesn't want the boy's schooling disrupted and, frankly, he doesn't want to budge himself. He loves the house and doesn't want to move."

"There are still a lot of his ex-wife's things in the house," says Pearl, "and this bothers me, too. A lot of her clothes are still hanging in the closet, her makeup is still in the bathroom cupboard and Josh still keeps a photograph of her in his study - almost like a shrine."

"While the situation between Jake and myself is so tense I don't think it's a good idea to have a clean-out," says Pearl, "but ultimately if I am to live in this house permanently I need to dispose of her things."

"It's something that Josh might have done before I moved in," sighs Pearl, "but I guess he never had time. Our romance was so fast and furious that it engulfed everything else. But what if he doesn't want his ex-wife's things to be discarded?"

"Frankly, judging by the way Josh and Jake talk about 'women's work' I am beginning to wonder about why he married me so fast - and why, in fact, his first wife left," confesses Pearl. "Did she feel as alienated as I feel by the close male relationship between Josh and Jake?"

"The house was a mess when I moved in," says Pearl, "and despite spending every weekend consumed by housework - cooking and cleaning and washing and ironing - the house is still a mess. The two of them do nothing to help me. They say it's 'women's' work."

"I go to work during the week and I really expect Josh to share the housework with me at weekends - and to suggest to Jake that he cleans his room and helps wash up," says Pearl, "but the two of them just sit and play computers or watch movies while I do everything!"

"It wouldn't be so bad if Jake were civil to me," sighs Pearl, "but when he snarls at me and orders me to fetch this and that I feel really bad - like a slave. And Josh doesn't say anything. He just sits there and allows Jake to treat me badly."

"I guess by the age of 13 a boy has developed the characteristics of the man he is to become," sighs Pearl, "so I don't expect him to change. I worry about what might happen if I have a baby and he torments the child like he does me."

"Sometimes I am really afraid of the boy," confesses Pearl. "He is almost as tall as his father and he's very big, too."

"I don't think boys of his age need a mother as much as they need a father," sighs Pearl, "so I'm really superfluous in his life."

stepsons and theft

Freya is a stay at home stepmother and almost a sole parent to a 16-year old boy. While her relationship with him has been very good up until now, she is struggling to understand why he has suddenly starting thieving from her and the neighbors.

"I was told that pubescent boys around the age of 13 and 14 are the worst trouble," says Freya, "but Gerard didn't give me much trouble at all when he was that age. It is only now that he is 16 that he is becoming a problem."

"His father is away for long stretches, traveling interstate and overseas on trips, and his mother is even worse in that respect," explains Freya. "They have more or less handed the raising of Gerard over to me."

"Gerard's dad just comes home and wants to relax. He doesn't want to hear about any problems I am having. He expects me to deal with everything"

"Gerard gets a generous allowance so it is not like he is short of money," says Freya. "His stealing is more a case of lack of respect for the property of others and a feeling, I think, that if something is 'there' he has a right to take it."

"I first noticed something odd was going on when I did the weekly accounts and found I was short of money in my purse."

"I'm pretty good with housekeeping and know exactly what's coming in and going out," explains Freya, "and at first I didn't want to believe that Gerard was stealing from me. I just made believe I had been short-changed at the shops."

"When this happened on several occasions I solved the problem by using credit rather than cash."

"Everything was going well until I discovered several purchases on my credit card bill that I had not made."

"The purchases were made at florists and I had to smile," laughs Freya. "It looked like Gerard was trying to impress the girls by buying them flowers, and while I thought it was a very sweet thing for him to do I didn't like the way he was going about it."

"I spoke to Gerard and he seemed suitably chastened by what I said," says Freya. "I told him that if he ever needs more money all he has to do is ask me for it and I will give it to him."

"He said that his allowance was enough - he wasn't short of money - it was just that he wanted the flowers delivered and the only way to do it was by credit card. And he didn't think I would mind that he used my card."

"I made it very plain to him that I minded very much and that he should ask me first should he ever want to make a credit card purchase again - and that once he's learned the value of money I would give him his own card."

"A few weeks later a neighbor knocked on the door and told me that he had caught Gerard stealing his newspaper - and that it had been going on for months."

"Part of Gerard's daily routine was to stroll up the road and buy milk, bread and a newspaper every morning before going to school," explains Freya, "and I always let Gerard keep a few dollars change to supplement his allowance."

"When I realized that Gerard had been pocketing the newspaper money and stealing the paper that a neighbor had delivered to his doorstep every day, I was very angry," says Freya. "Especially so because I had only spoken to him about the credit card a few weeks earlier."

"What was wrong with the boy?"

"I offered to compensate the neighbor - whatever he wanted - and begged him not to involve the police," says Freya, "and thankfully he agreed not to press charges. He just wanted Gerard to stop stealing his paper."

"That night I had a long talk to Gerard and tried to get him to understand the error of his ways."

"He had nothing to say," sighs Freya. "He just sat there and said nothing and didn't seem to realize that he had done anything criminal. It didn't even occur to him that one day the neighbor was going to catch him stealing the paper in the same way that I would catch him using my credit card."

"Was he dumb, or what?"

"He had plenty of money, so he wasn't stealing because he was short of cash," says Freya. "I think he was just doing it because he could, I suppose."

"Gerard refused to do his morning stroll up the road after that - he was too embarrassed to face the neighbor," sighs Freya, "and now I have to do it, even though I'm embarrassed to face the neighbor, too!"

"If all that wasn't bad enough," sighs Freya, "a few months later I paid for Gerard to go on an overnight school excursion and I discovered that he had stayed at a friend's place instead. He wasn't just stealing - he was also lying."

"At this point, despite Gerard begging me not to tell his father, I had to talk to my husband about the situation," says Freya. "The whole thing was escalating and Gerard needed a firmer hand than mine to guide him."

"My husband's way of dealing with problems involves a lot of shouting," sighs Freya, "and the scene between him and Gerard wasn't pleasant but I am sure it impressed something memorable on the boy."

"We still can't figure out why Gerard has started behaving so strangely. I can't believe he stole and lied to test how smart we are -- to see how much he can get away with -- or simply in order to gain attention," says Freya.

"All I can think of is that he is just going through a woolly minded phase, preoccupied with whatever girl he's currently in love with, and now that he has had the fear of God put in him by his father he will settle down. At least I hope so!"

wicked stepmother confesses

Melissa is 23, a newly married housewife and pregnant with her first child. The only problem in her life is her 4-year stepson.

"The kid is my husband's son from his first marriage," explains Melissa, "and he visits and sleeps over Saturday nights."

"I know I'm going to sound like a wicked stepmother," says Melissa, "but I really would treat the kid differently if his mother was dead. Unfortunately, she is alive and kicking up her heels every Saturday night and I'm stuck home babysitting her kid for her."

"I asked my husband, Adam, to change his visitation rights to Saturday afternoons rather than a whole day," explains Melissa, "but he doesn't want to cause trouble with his ex and he likes having the kid overnight."

"Because I didn't want Adam to start hating me, I didn't press the point," explains Melissa, "but I made up my mind to do something about the situation. I just didn't want that kid around when my baby was born and I wanted to make sure he never came here again."

"It was pretty easy to gain control of the situation because Adam picked up the kid on Saturday afternoons and rather than taking the kid to the park or something he just dumped the kid on me and went out to a game or did some work," says Melissa.

"When I was alone with the kid I was deliberately nasty and said awful things about his mother," laughs Melissa. "I wanted to make him hate me and hate coming to my place, and I know it wasn't nice to make the kid cry but what else could I do?"

"I poured water over the kid's bed to make it look like he had wet the bed," confesses Melissa, "and I put extra salt on his food to make him look like a picky eater. I also hid and broke a lot of Adam's things to make it look like the kid had done it."

"Adam was responsible for disciplining the kid and it got to a stage where he was constantly smacking the kid for being naughty," says Melissa, "and as expected the kid started to hate his dad, too."

"Soon, the kid was crying almost non-stop from the time he arrived to the time he left," says Melissa. "He wanted to go home to his mommy - and that's what I wanted, too - but Adam kept on telling the kid to behave himself and stop crying."

"Adam's ex must have got wind of what I was doing and made all sorts of demands, one of which was that the kid wasn't to be left alone with me," adds Melissa, "so then Adam got keen about fathering and we started taking the kid out together on Saturday afternoons."

"Adam bought a skateboard for the kid and one day I pushed him so hard that he went skyrocketing down the road and crashed into a parked car and broke a leg," laughs Melissa. "It looked like a normal accident, so I got away with it, but it worked a treat."

"His mother was furious that the kid ended up in hospital and her Saturday night date had to be canceled," laughs Melissa, "and I was really good to Adam that night so he wouldn't feel bad about what had happened."

"The kid didn't come to our place for two weeks after that," says Melissa, "and I thought my troubles were over. But then Adam stupidly tried to force his ex to give him the kid by refusing to pay maintenance. They had dreadful fights and I had to put up with Adam being in a bad mood the whole time."

"Money isn't really an issue with us," says Melissa, "but I couldn't believe my good luck when the kid's mother refused Adam access to the kid on the basis of cruelty and negligence and said he could stick his money!"

"My baby will be born in a few week's time and it's great not having her kid spoiling my life any more," says Melissa. "As soon as we have a kid of our own Adam will settle down and forget about the other kid. It's the way men are, right?"

stepmother to bereaved kids

Andrea was 33 when she married George, a widower of 42 with two children, and she -- like most stepmothers -- is a kind and caring woman, far removed from the wicked stepmother stereotype.

"We met through a computer dating agency," confides Andrea. "Through that agency I met many prospective husbands, but none touched my heart as strongly as George did."

"George's first wife had died in an automobile accident," explains Andrea, "and when I met him he was a pitiful sight and so were his kids-- Alisdair 10 and Joyce 12."

"At the time I had just broken up with a former boyfriend and was full of pity myself," laughs Andrea. "We sat there wallowing in pity together - what a miserable sight the two of us must have been!"

Joined together by mutual grief more than anything else, Andrea and George married three months after their first meeting.

"It was a civil marriage, very quick and efficient," says Andrea, "and immediately afterwards I quit my job and apartment and started living with George."

"His place is in the country," says Andrea, "and it's a very lonely place to live. It's just me and George and the kids and no neighbors for miles."

"Alisdair and Joyce are very sad little kids," says Andrea, "and I'm having an uphill battle trying to reach in and communicate with them."

"They are very respectful to me and help a great deal around the house and yard," says Andrea. "I have no complaint about being mistreated by them or their father."

"What finally got to me was their 'distance', their inability to warm to me," confesses Andrea.

"They are warm with each other and with their father, but not me."

"When I'd walk in to a room where they were laughing and talking to each other, or to their father, they would shut up immediately," explains Andrea.

"I tell myself that they would behave that way no matter who their father married, so I don't take it personally," says Andrea.

"They are still grieving the death of their mother," explains Andrea, "and I think that George should not have remarried so quickly. Alisdair and Joyce just haven't recovered as quickly from the death of their mother as George has."

"He should have seen that, and put his children's feelings first, but he's a man and men are more practical about things than woman and children are, right?"

"I would love to have a baby and I wonder how the children will react to a birth in the family," muses Andrea.

"George would be thrilled if I fell pregnant," confides Andrea, "and thinks that a new baby would be good for the kids - but I don't know."

"He thinks that a new life will compensate for a death," says Andrea, "but I don't think a new baby will in any way compensate for the loss of a mother and might, in fact, drive their grief into new directions."

"I appreciate that in a few year's time the two of them will be leaving home and starting a life for themselves," says Andrea, "so maybe I should wait for that time before thinking about having a family of my own."

"My predicament," sighs Andrea, "is that my biological clock is ticking away."

"Do I delay having a baby until the children are older and way past their grief, or do I go ahead and indulge my desires, while I'm young enough to do so, not knowing how the children will react?"

"In other words," says Andrea, "do I put the children's grief ahead of my desire for a baby?"

"There are plenty of wicked stepmothers out there," confides Andrea, "but we're not all evil witches. There are just as many nice stepmothers like me who desperately want to do the right thing by their stepchildren and make them happy."

"Believe me," says Andrea, "it's as difficult being a stepmother to motherless children as it is being a stepmother to kids from a divorced family. I'm glad in a way that I don't have to deal with a living mother interfering in my marriage, but a dead mother still interferes in a way that only women in my situation can comprehend."