the family conference

Because her two sisters were working, Ellen – a stay home mom – had borne the brunt of care for their mother; but all that changed when she decided to return to work and, on her very first day in her new job, her mother had a fall, needing immediate attention, and precipitated a family conference.

“I decided that the best way to handle this crisis was to bring mom back home to live with me temporarily,” explains Ellen, “but that same night I telephoned by sisters and demanded a family conference about alternative care for mom.”

"I was a working woman now, just like my sisters," says Ellen, "and I was determined to make a success of my return to work job."

"At the family conference I laid down the law to my sisters," says Ellen. "Finally, we agreed to share the cost of paying for a personal care professional to take care of mom in her own home.”

“It works out well because the caregiver needed a place to live, and she provides companionship for mom, too."

"However, with the additional expense of sharing the costs of mom's caregiver," sighs Ellen, "I'm really not saving much from my income at all.”

“Returning to work involves a lot of expenses I never had before - commuting, business clothing, buying lunch, etc - and it's amazing how fast my money gets spent."

"I'm really upset that for the ten years I was looking after mom while my sisters worked, they contributed nothing towards her care. It doesn't seem fair, does it?"

“Maybe I should call another family conference and suggest some sort of back pay for all the years I took care of mom,” says Ellen. “Either that, or the shared costs need to be paid according to our income, not split into thirds as originally agreed when I was in crisis mode.”

“The more I think about it, the more I think my sisters took unfair advantage of me,” says Ellen. “I hate to think about costs and burdens in respect of our mother, but unfortunately that’s what it all boils down to.”

Read more about Ellen:

family vs work

a relic from the past

terrible twos daycare drama

After two years of being a stay at home mom Goldie went stir crazy and decided it was time to return to work. Putting her 'terrible twos' daughter into daycare was a dramatic and traumatic experience for both of them.

"I'm glad I didn't have a job lined up," says Goldie, "because there's no way I could have coped with a job on top of the daily stress Little Miss Twos put me through."

"I don't plan on having another child but if I do I'll be putting it into daycare at three months - if not earlier - because the older the child the more difficult it is to get them settled into daycare."

"My daughter was two years and three months old when I prepared her for daycare," says Goldie. "For a few weeks I walked past the daycare center with her - pointing out the playground equipment she'll be playing on and the children she'll be playing with - and when the day came for her to spent a few hours there alone I was as satisfied as I could be that she was as excited as I was to be starting a new life."

"As soon as I walked into the daycare center with her she started screaming," says Goldie. "Her screams were so blood curdling that you'd think she was being murdered or something - and I was still holding her hand!"

"The daycare assistant did her best to calm down Little Miss Twos - but she just clung to my legs and wouldn't let the assistant come near her."

"I had expected a few tears but I wasn't prepared for this."

"The assistant told me to leave and not to worry - reassuring me that they all calm down as zoon as mom leaves - and with Little Miss Twos screams breaking my heart I gave her a kiss and told her I would be back zoon."

"I don't know how the assistant managed to pull her away from my legs," sighs Goldie, "but as zoon as she did I made a run for it!"

"I went home in a state of sheer shock - shaking like a leaf from the trauma I had experienced."

"I spent my first two hours of freedom going over all the reasons why I needed to return to work - reassuring myself that what I planned on doing was going to be good for everyone - including my husband."

"Determined to make this work I sat out the entire three hours 'orientation' period and resisted the temptation to turn up early to ease my little girl's misery."

"When I returned to the daycare center to pick her up I could hear her screams before I entered the grounds."

"She stopped screaming as zoon as she saw me - but I nearly started screaming myself when I saw her. Her face was red and puffed from crying and her eyes were wild."

"The assistant confessed that she had been unable to calm my daughter - but assured me that things will be easier tomorrow."

"Well," sighs Goldie, "things weren't easier the next day - or the next - or two weeks later."

"Finally I had to make a cold, hard-hearted decision," says Goldie. "It was a battle of wills and I just wasn't prepared to put up with being manipulated any more."

"I signed up for full-time daycare and just left Little Miss Twos there one day - for a full eight hours - and didn't bat an eyelid when she threw her characteristic screaming tantrum."

"I just kissed her goodbye, wished her a good day and went on my way," laughs Goldie. "And that did the trick. As soon as she realized that I just didn't care - and frankly by that stage I really didn't give a damn - she settled down very well to daycare life."