a child raising a child

Amanda fell pregnant at the age of 16 and because she refused her mother’s ultimatum to have an abortion she was forced to turn to welfare for help.

"The welfare officer found me a place to share with other pregnant girls," explains Amanda, "and we were like kids playing at being mommies until one by one we went into labor and had all sorts of complications that nobody tells you about."

"I was in labor for two days," sighs Amanda, "it was so scary. Anyway, I survived and then I spent three very happy years on welfare growing up with my baby."

"At 16 I needed to be taken care of,” explains Amanda. “I didn't want to worry about where the next penny was coming from. I needed to feel secure, and I needed time to adjust to being a single mom without the usual family support."

"I was physically and emotionally immature," adds Amanda. "I had no drive, no aims and I really was unemployable. I was a child raising a child."

"At times I found the responsibility of raising a child on my own to be overwhelming," confesses Amanda. "Every now and again the welfare officer would call and suggest that I should find a casual job, but I wasn't interested."

"Not every mother is capable of juggling work and family - and I certainly wasn't ready to take on any more responsibilities and make my situation worse than it was already."

Read more about Amanda’s story:

bleak future on welfare

a wasted education?

burdens and blessings

I didn't know I was pregnant!

health problems of welfare moms

Cancerians, motherly types?

abortion or welfare?

burdens and blessings

Amanda fell pregnant at the age of 16 – just like her mom did – and rather than have an abortion or raise the baby as a burden – like her mom did – she chose, instead, to have the baby and treat it like a blessing.

"My mother was furious when I told her I was pregnant," confides Amanda. "She gave me an ultimatum - have an abortion or get out of her life - and I chose to have the baby and get out of her life. We're reconciled now, sort of, but those early years without her support were scary."

"Having my daughter looks like being the only worthwhile thing I'll ever do in my life," says Amanda, "and I'm so glad I don't know who her father was because otherwise I might resent her and treat her like a burden rather than a precious gift.”

“That's the way my mom raised me - as a burden - and while I understand her bitterness, it's something no child should have to put up with."

Read more about Amanda’s story:

bleak future on welfare

a wasted education?

a child raising a child

I didn't know I was pregnant!

health problems of welfare moms

Cancerians, motherly types?

abortion or welfare?

an unwanted baby

Sherry, 19, grew up knowing from a very early age that she was unwanted -- the result of a botched abortion -- and it has had a traumatizing effect on her self-esteem.

"Lots of pregnancies are unplanned," says Sherry, "and I have nothing against abortion -- but having made the decision to get rid of an unwanted pregnancy you'd think that my mother would have made sure she did a proper job of it, wouldn't you?"

"Because of her religion my mother didn't want to go to an abortion clinic so she took some herbal concoctions and ended up in hospital having her stomach pumped out."

"She was so ashamed of being publicly castigated for what she did that she didn't try another other method of abortion," says Sherry, "and miraculously I survived - but my mother apparently had a miserable pregnancy and was ill for several years after I was born."

"Under these circumstances you can understand how she never let a day go by without telling me that she never wanted me and had tried to get rid of me," sighs Sherry.

"By the time most unplanned babies are born their mothers develop a love for the child, but this happy event didn't happen in my case."

"I was left alone for most of my infancy and grew up being a very shy kid," says Sherry. "I found it very hard to make friends at school and kept to myself as much as I could."

"My parents took care of me and didn't abuse me," adds Sherry, "but I wasn't loved. I learned very early to keep out of their way. It was a case of not being seen and not being heard. I guess I perfected the art of being invisible."

"I'm working and out on my own now and doing okay," says Sherry. "If nothing else I learned very early how to take care of myself from my parents."

"I enjoy my own company so I'm not alone and lonely -- but I am very different from other girls of my age and this upsets me sometimes."

"I feel cursed from birth -- even conception -- because had my mother wanted me I would be like everyone else and I would be aiming for the stars now rather than sitting home alone believing I'm unworthy of love."

"I'm 23 and I've never had a boyfriend or even a close girlfriend," confesses Sherry. "I suppose I'm scared of being rejected -- you know, having someone say to me that they only hung out with me because someone else had let them down."

"I visit my parents at least twice a year and it's always a strain to see them," says Sherry. "Actually, the strain is more on them than it is on me."

"Because they seem to be ashamed of me perhaps it would be better for my self-esteem if I just forgot about them," muses Sherry. "Maybe I should change my name, change my appearance and invent a new personality for myself?"

"I've been thinking of taking up a drama class to help me act out being someone else," says Sherry. "If actors can convince us that they are someone they're not in their movies then I should be able to do that, too."

"It's possible that I've been acting 'invisible' all of my life in order to please my parents and the real me is just busting to break out!"

"I wonder who I really am?"