Stepfamily Issues

Personal stories about stepfamilies, childhood and general family issues.

August 29, 2012

independent from birth!

Jayne's personality appears to have been set in stone the day she was born -- no environmental pressure could change it -- and while she is not a ruthless careerist she is most definitely not the marrying and motherly type.

"Everyone starts off life dependent upon parents, and where we go from there is determined partly by our personality and partly by how we were raised," says Jayne.

"Some women become totally dependent upon a man or welfare, others choose to share life with a partner in an interdependent relationship and some, like me, choose a totally independent, blissfully single life."

"I was the fifth child in a family of six children," says Jayne, "and my mother described me as being a restless and adventurous little girl from the day I was born."

"No sleeping all day for baby Jayne, and no lying there quietly waiting to be fed or changed," laughs Jayne.

"I walked earlier than any of the other children in the family - at eight months, and my mother said it was almost as if I couldn't wait to stand on my own two feet."

Shortly after finding her feet, Jayne was feeding herself and amusing herself. It was as if the whole world was designed exclusively as a playground for her and she explored as far as her parents allowed her to go.

"I preferred my own company right from the start," explains Jayne. "I was also an early speaker and reader, too. Nobody taught me, I just picked it all up by myself and by the time I was eligible to start school I was way ahead of my peers."

In adulthood, Jayne hasn't changed.

"Yes," admits Jayne, "I did come under a great deal of pressure at school to change my independent ways and conform! I was naturally left-handed and my kindergarten teacher did not like that. As a result of my teacher's cajoling, I became ambidextrous - but I was probably that to start off with."

Jayne sailed through college, gained a fabulous job and quickly bought an apartment and became totally independent. If anyone has any criticism of Jayne it is that she loves her space too much. She does not welcome visitors. Perhaps as a result of growing up with five siblings Jayne is very protective of her space and privacy - and peace.

As far as friends go, Jayne has two close friends who know her too well to intrude upon her life. They like her just as she is. Jayne is generous with gifts but protective of her time. She leads a very busy life and gives short shrift to people who think they can telephone her at all hours and get 3-hour chats.

What is truly remarkable about Jayne is that she is a complete humanitarian. This may seem incongruous with her image of being someone totally wrapped in herself and her work, but really it is not. Independent women look after themselves, and do not burden themselves with the care of others, but that does not necessarily mean that they don't care. Jayne does, and gives generously to various causes. She is committed to making a difference in the world.

Jayne is an inspiration to some of us - and frightening to others - but she harms nobody and has no enemies. She is truly a lead player in her own life, a total master of her life, and while she is wealthy she lives very frugally.

Jayne believes that consumerism is the root of all evil and asserts her independent spirit by buying generic goods and second-hand stuff. She is a particularly eccentric dresser - picking up some really wild stuff from flea markets - but she looks fantastic!

"Some people say I dress and behave really strangely," laughs Jayne, "and when they discover I am an Aquarian they seem to understand why I'm like I am!"

Jayne receives lots of attention from men, but love, sex and partnership do not figure in her life at all. She’s very happy with her celibate lifestyle.

"In another day and age I would have been forced into marriage or forced to live on the fringe of society as a ‘spinster’," grimaces Jayne. "I'm very lucky to be able to enjoy the freedom of lifestyle choices offered by the 21st century."

When asked about children, Jayne laughs.

"The world has far too many mouths to feed already," she explains, "and it would be irresponsible of me to add to the multitudes. Bringing more children into an already over-populated world is not only enslaving the women who have them but also setting up the children for a lifetime of wage slavery or unemployment. It would be a thoughtless, selfish and cruel thing to do."

"To be truly independent," adds Jayne, "a woman needs to have a minimum of responsibilities in respect to others. That's what I have now, and that's the way I intend to remain."

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