Stepfamily Issues

Personal stories about stepfamilies, childhood and general family issues.

May 14, 2010

an unwanted baby

Sherry, 19, grew up knowing from a very early age that she was unwanted -- the result of a botched abortion -- and it has had a traumatizing effect on her self-esteem.

"Lots of pregnancies are unplanned," says Sherry, "and I have nothing against abortion -- but having made the decision to get rid of an unwanted pregnancy you'd think that my mother would have made sure she did a proper job of it, wouldn't you?"

"Because of her religion my mother didn't want to go to an abortion clinic so she took some herbal concoctions and ended up in hospital having her stomach pumped out."

"She was so ashamed of being publicly castigated for what she did that she didn't try another other method of abortion," says Sherry, "and miraculously I survived - but my mother apparently had a miserable pregnancy and was ill for several years after I was born."

"Under these circumstances you can understand how she never let a day go by without telling me that she never wanted me and had tried to get rid of me," sighs Sherry.

"By the time most unplanned babies are born their mothers develop a love for the child, but this happy event didn't happen in my case."

"I was left alone for most of my infancy and grew up being a very shy kid," says Sherry. "I found it very hard to make friends at school and kept to myself as much as I could."

"My parents took care of me and didn't abuse me," adds Sherry, "but I wasn't loved. I learned very early to keep out of their way. It was a case of not being seen and not being heard. I guess I perfected the art of being invisible."

"I'm working and out on my own now and doing okay," says Sherry. "If nothing else I learned very early how to take care of myself from my parents."

"I enjoy my own company so I'm not alone and lonely -- but I am very different from other girls of my age and this upsets me sometimes."

"I feel cursed from birth -- even conception -- because had my mother wanted me I would be like everyone else and I would be aiming for the stars now rather than sitting home alone believing I'm unworthy of love."

"I'm 23 and I've never had a boyfriend or even a close girlfriend," confesses Sherry. "I suppose I'm scared of being rejected -- you know, having someone say to me that they only hung out with me because someone else had let them down."

"I visit my parents at least twice a year and it's always a strain to see them," says Sherry. "Actually, the strain is more on them than it is on me."

"Because they seem to be ashamed of me perhaps it would be better for my self-esteem if I just forgot about them," muses Sherry. "Maybe I should change my name, change my appearance and invent a new personality for myself?"

"I've been thinking of taking up a drama class to help me act out being someone else," says Sherry. "If actors can convince us that they are someone they're not in their movies then I should be able to do that, too."

"It's possible that I've been acting 'invisible' all of my life in order to please my parents and the real me is just busting to break out!"

"I wonder who I really am?"

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