Stepfamily Issues

Personal stories about stepfamilies, childhood and general family issues.

August 21, 2007

generations of stepfathers

Dania’s life dramatically after losing her father during the Vietnam War – as her mother’s life did when she lost her father during WWll – and she doesn't want her little grand-daughter to suffer the same fate of being raised by a stepfather and always wondering about what her life may have been like had her father not died in some stupid war.

"My son is only 22, the same age as many of the dead soldiers we watch every day at the end of the PBS News Hour on television," says Dania. "It breaks our hearts to watch this slide show of the young, fresh faces of boys once full of hope -- now dead -- and it should be mandatory watching for everyone responsible for this carnage, those in the White House and the Pentagon and every boardroom in the nation."

"My grand-daughter is the same age I was when my father got drafted," explains Dania, "and if my son gets drafted and he dies in some stupid civil war between Sunnis and Sh'ites in Iraq that has nothing to do with us then another generation of my family -- and millions of other families -- is going to grow up with stepfathers replacing their own fathers."

"I'm not saying that all stepfathers are bad -- mine wasn't," says Dania, "but I don't believe any stepfather can have the same sort of connection with children as real fathers can."

"My mom went on to marry someone else and had three more children," says Dania. "She tried hard to keep the memory of my father alive for me, but the pressures of a new marriage and new children made it an impossible task."

"My stepfather objected to pictures of my dad in my bedroom," says Dania. "He didn't like the idea of 'ghosts' in his house and made me keep all of my dad's stuff in a box which I kept under my bed. He definitely treated me differently to my half-brothers and sisters (his own kids)."

"If my son were required to defend his country from invaders, he'd be the first to volunteer," says Dania, "but he's as angry as I am over the terrible loss of young life in Bush's war for oil and world power in some God-forsaken place a long way from home, and if a draft were to come in he'd head for the hills rather than become a military slave."

“It is bad enough that many children lose their natural fathers due to unavoidable accidents," says Dania, “and we really don’t want to perpetuate this totally avoidable generational step-fathering through stupid wars.”

“Children need their natural fathers, not some guy who merely tolerates them because he’s in a relationship with their mother.”

Read more by Dania:

  • wars and fatherless grandchildren

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